Why do children misbehave?

And why do parents punish them for it?

As with most aspects of human behaviour, evolution has the answer, and yet again I’m indebted to the inestimable Steven Pinker for illuminating it in “The Better Angels of our Nature”.

He charts the history of violence against children, and concludes that mental and physical torture of children “for their own good” was common until very recently.  Starting from the evolutionary axiom that our behaviour is conditioned by the survival of our genes,  it seems odd that we should attack our offspring who represent our only chance of passing on those genes.  Look a little deeper and the answer is clear and simple. It is certainly in the parent’s interest that the child survives, but the best chance the parent has to pass on its genes is to have many children survive. The parent must therefore share out its time and resources with the children it has now and those it might have in the future. 

The interest of each child however is quite different. The child is in direct competition with its siblings for the food and protection of the parent and is instinctively driven to demand more than the “fair share” which the parent wishes to give.

This conflict between parent and child is unavoidable and can only be resolved by constant negotiation in which each side will use whatever arguments or tricks it can to prevail. 

Why has it taken us so long to understand this simple truth?